


My Best Friend's Brother

by LonelyThursday



Series: Patton Deserves Exactly Three Edgy Boyfriends [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Little Shit, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders is a Sweetheart, Getting Together, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Multi, Patton gets three edgy boyfriends, Polyamory, Sibling Rivalry, janus is double jointed, logan is tired, roman isnt very happy about his brother dating his friend, they're just a bunch of dorks, they're not really that edgy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29030106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyThursday/pseuds/LonelyThursday
Summary: Patton'e two best friends in the whole entire world are spending almost the entire summer in Washington D.C., leaving Patton alone. Good thing Roman's brother is here to keep Patton company.(also posted on Tumblr)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Dark Creativity | Remus/Deceit | Janus/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides), Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Patton Deserves Exactly Three Edgy Boyfriends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129724
Comments: 11
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am here to advocate giving Patton all the Dark Side boyfriends, thank you.
> 
> This fic is also posted on tumblr @i-am-biterly-jittery

“You’re really going to be going to be gone for two whole months?” Patton asks for probably the hundredth time since Logan told him that he and Roman (as student body President and Vice President respectively) would be going to a Students in Government camp in Washington D.C. for two of the three months of their summer vacation. 

Unlike all the other times he’d asked, however, this time, Roman and Logan were actually all packed and set to go as soon as Roman’s mom got off her business call. The three of them were waiting for her in the foyer, and this is going to be the last time Patton sees his best friends for two. Whole. _Months!_

“Fret not, my dear padre,” Roman says, grabbing both of Patton’s hands in his own. “We shall return before you even notice we're gone!”

Patton frowns. He highly doubts that. Roman and Logan are his best friends, the longest he’s ever gone without hanging out with at least _one_ of them has been two _weeks._

Two _months_ is going to feel like hell. 

But Patton plasters a fake grin on his face anyway. Roman and Logan are so excited for this trip, and Patton isn’t going to let his own feelings get in the way. “I’m sure you’re right!”

“Of course I am!” Roman agrees heartily. 

“Do not worry, Patton,” Logan says, much less dramatically than Roman. “We should be able to Skype every weekend, as we will have Saturdays off.”

That actually does make Patton feel better. He pulls his best friends into a hug. _Gosh_ he’s going to miss them. 

Their moment is ruined when Roman’s mom comes walking into the room, yelling behind her for Roman’s twin brother. “Remus! Come say goodbye to your brother!”

Remus comes bounding down the stairs moments later, covered in green slime. 

“G’bye bye, Roro!” Remus says happily, skipping over to hug his brother. 

“Get off me you heathen!” Roman cries, shaking his brother loose. Remus lets go easily enough, but he leaves a green imprint in his place.

“Roman Preston Kingsley!” His mom scolds. 

“Mom! He got slime on me!” Roman complains. “I have to get on an airplane like this!”

“Remus Duke Kingsley, apologize to your brother!”

“I’m sorry Roro!” Remus grins, not looking at all sorry. “At least it wasn't fake blood!”

“I have to change!” Roman cries. 

“We’re already running late, you can change your shirt in the car,” Roman’s mom dismisses, ushering Logan and Roman out the door. 

Remus continues to grin as he throws an arm over Patton's shoulders, causing the shorter boy to blush slightly. 

“Don’t worry, Roro, Pattycakes and I are going to have so much fun this summer!”

“Re-!” Roman starts just to get impatiently cut off by his mom. 

“Roman, let’s _go!”_

“You’re the reason we’re running late in the first place!” Patton hears Roman complain before the door shuts, leaving Patton alone with Remus in the Kingsleys’ foyer. 

“What are the chances their plane will crash, killing them in a fiery inferno?” Remus asks casually, not taking his arm off of Patton. 

“I, um, don’t think the chances of that happening are very good,” Patton stutters. Something about Remus has always made Patton nervous. In the past, he would have claimed that it was because Remus is scary, but recently Patton’s been thinking that there’s a little more to it. 

“Oh well, one can dream,” Remus responds, unperturbed that they’re discussing his brother’s chances of dying. “Wanna come to a party with me?”

“Oh, well, uh,” Patton’s mind blanks on an excuse, but he _really_ doesn’t want to go to a party with Remus. If Remus is scary, then his friends are downright terrifying.

Probably. 

Actually, Patton isn’t entirely sure _who_ Remus is friends with, but that only makes him want to go to the party even _less._

“It’ll be fun!” Remus promises. “And if you don’t like it there, I’ll take you home, pinky promise!”

Remus finally releases him in order to properly extend his pinky towards Patton, and what’s a boy to say to that? Patton _knows_ that both Kingsley twins take pinky promises very seriously, so if Remus is offering a pinky promise, then he _means_ it. 

“Okay,” Patton hooks his pinky in Remus’. 

“Yay!” Remus cheers. “Oh this will be so much fun!”

He grabs Patton’s hand and leads him out of the house and towards the twins’ shared car. He only lets go of Patton’s hand long enough to get in the car and start the engine, but other than that, he holds his hand the whole way over to the party. At this point, Patton’s pretty sure his face is just permanently red. 

The house Remus eventually pulls up to doesn’t look like it has a party inside, but Patton isn’t sure how Remus’ parties usually go, so who knows what’s behind the door. 

Remus lets go of Patton’s hand to get out of the car, but he immediately circles around to open the door for him with a little bow. Patton giggles a little as he gets out of the car. Once he’s out, Remus seizes his hand again and drags him up the walkway to the door, swinging their joint hands between them. 

Remus stops at the door and rings the doorbell. At first, Patton thinks that this is oddly polite for him, but after Remus continues to hold the bell down for more than a couple of seconds, he supposed that Remus hadn’t been going for ‘polite’. 

“Jesus Christ!” The door finally gets thrown open a minute later, revealing one very annoyed Janus Parcel, probably the most intimidating student in the whole high school. If the snakebite piercings weren't scary enough, he’s got a long pink scar that starts just below his hairline and runs down his face, over his left eye, across his mouth, and towards his chin stopping almost dead center between the piercings - rumor has it that he got it in a knife fight. His usual beanie is gone, but his yellow gloves are still firmly in place. 

Patton wants nothing more than for the earth to crack open and swallow him to fall into the center. Janus Parcel has never been, strictly speaking, _mean_ to Patton, but he has a reputation. One that suggests that Patton is the kind of person Janus would step on. 

“Fuckin _stop!”_ Janus hisses, pushing Remus’ hand off the doorbell. 

Patton can’t help the small squeak that escapes his mouth, drawing Janus’ attention to him. 

“You brought a pet?” Janus asks, raising his eyebrow incredulously and staring at Patton like he’s a bug under his shoe. 

“Roro and his boyfriend left for D.C. so Patty’s going to hang out with us now!” Remus says proudly, letting go of Patton’s hand so that he can throw his arm over his shoulder. That’s enough to snap Patton out of his embarrassed stupor. 

“Roman and Logan are dating?” He asks, finally peeling his eyes off Janus and looking to Remus instead. 

“I dunno, but if they’re not now then they will be by the time they come back.”

That sentence causes an uncomfortable knot to form in Patton’s stomach. It’s not that he has a crush on either Roman or Logan - objectively he thinks they’re both very attractive, but he thinks of them as his brothers more than anything - it’s just that if they start dating, then Patton will end up being the awkward third-wheel, and he doesn’t want to accidentally insert himself where he doesn’t belong. “Oh.”

Janus rolls his eyes, but he steps aside and waves them into the house. “Don’t break anything.”

Patton isn’t sure if he’s talking to him or Remus, but Janus is already walking away. Patton’s only given a second to wonder about the lack of people and noise, before Remus is dragging him forward, through the entryway and towards the doorway Janus had gone through moments prior. 

Remus brings him to a living room that, other than for furniture and sparse decorations, seems empty. 

“This is going to be so much _fun!”_ Remus cheers, grabbing Patton’s other hand and spinning him around in circles. “Party time! Party time! Party time!”

Patton giggles as he becomes used to the circles and begins matching Remus’ enthusiasm. Until Remus let’s go of both of his hands at the same time. 

The momentum sends Patton stumbling back a few steps before his foot catches on something, and he starts falling. He stumbles back a few more feet before the back of his calves hits something soft but solid, and he tumbles onto the couch. 

Or at least, it _should_ be the couch, but both the uneven texture and the startled _hiss_ alert Patton that it is _not_ the couch that he landed on. 

_Guess the living room wasn’t empty after all,_ Patton thinks hysterically as he imagines the anger he’s going to find on Janus’ face when he looks up. 

Except when he looks up, it’s not Janus that he sees. The face is paler than Janus’, with dark eyeshadow smudged under mismatched brown and green eyes, and instead of anger, those eyes are looking at him in shock. 

_Emo Nightmare!_ His mind supplies, thankfully though, the path between his brain and his mouth seems to be closed for construction, so the stray thought doesn’t get voiced. He’s not actually sure what the boy’s name is, but Roman often refers to him as ‘Emo Nightmare’ so that’s how Patton usually thinks of him. That or ‘purple-hair cute boy’. 

The emo has just as many - if not more - rumors floating around school about him as Janus does - and Remus, but Patton is a little more aware of whether a rumor about Remus is true or not (usually they’re true). Patton’s never had a class with him, and no one who _has_ had a class with him can tell you his name. People often theorize that he’s a ghost, cursed to haunt their school until he’s successfully passed every class the school has to offer. Another theory is that he’s a Russian exchange student who doesn’t understand English and that’s why he never talks or smiles. A slightly more realistic theory is that he’s the one Janus got in a knife fight with, though that one now seems unlikely as Patton can’t imagine anyone inviting someone who scarred them over to their house. 

Actually Patton hadn’t even known that Remus or Janus were friends with the emo, he’d never seen purple-hair cute boy hangout with or talk to anyone at school, so he’d just assumed he was a loner. 

“S-sorry!” Patton squeaks, going red for what felt like the twentieth time today. 

Weirdly enough, the emo goes just as red as him. 

“It’s, uh, it’s fine,” he stutters. 

“Movie!” Remus screeches at the top of his lungs, jumping onto the couch. 

The jump ends up jostling the emo and he instinctively wraps his arms around Patton’s waist to keep him from falling off.

Patton lets out a small, startled squeak. 

“This is going to be the best party ever!” Remus crows as he throws an arm over emo’s shoulders. 

“Four people is hardly a ‘party’, Remus,” Janus says, entering the living room with two bowls of popcorn. “Sweet or salty, Patton?”

“Um, sweet?” Patton answers, not quite sure what he’s being asked. 

“Excellent, you and Virgil can share.” Janus hands him one of the bowls and Patton realizes that the emo - must be Virgil - still has his arms wrapped around his waist. 

“Four people is _absolutely_ a party!” Remus defends, grabbing popcorn out of the bowl Janus still has. Janus sits on Remus’ other side and grabs a remote, turning on the TV. “Two’s company, three’s a crowd, and four’s a party!”

“That’s not how that saying goes,” Virgil says, unwrapping one arm from Patton to grab some popcorn out of Patton’s bowl. Patton tries some popcorn himself, and realizes that it’s sweet! Happily, Patton grabs another handful stuffing it in his mouth all at once. 

“Of course it is! Patton, back me up!”

All eyes turn to Patton who unfortunately, has a mouthful of popcorn so the only thing he can say is _“mufunph.”_

Remus seems to take this as an agreement though, loudly declaring “see! I told you so.”

“We’re watching WALL-E,” Janus says, rather than continuing this pointless debate. 

_Yay!_ Patton thinks, settling back in his seat, only to remember that he’s _still_ sitting on Virgil, but rather than push him off, the emo just tightens his arm around Patton’s waist to make him stop squirming. _Well if he’s fine with me sitting here then I’m not going to complain._

At the scene where WALL-E tries to hold EVE’s hand, Remus unhooks his arm from Virgil’s shoulders and reaches over to grabs Patton’s hand again. Already used to Remus holding his hand, Patton doesn’t even _think_ about pulling away. 

Patton doesn’t make it to the end of the second movie, falling asleep with his head tucked against Virgil’s chest and Remus’ hand still firmly in his. 

**< ('.'<) <('.')> (>'.')>**

_There’s no place like home,_ Roman thinks as he steps off the airplane. Two months is a long time to be away from home, but Roman wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. He made new friends, learned some new things, and even started a new relationship!

Yeah, Roman’s not ashamed to say he’s been holding Logan’s hand almost nonstop since boarding the plane back in D.C. He can’t wait to tell Patton!

Logan’s dad is the one to pick them up from the airport. They drop Roman off at his house, but not before Roman can promise to call Logan in the morning. 

Telling Patton can wait for tomorrow since it’s nearly 10 pm, and Roman is in desperate need for sleep. 

“I’m home!” He yells as he opens the door, trying not to be insulted when no one is in the foyer to greet him – he’s only been gone for _two months,_ it’s not like he expected anyone to miss him or anything. There’s a distinct clatter from the kitchen which is the only warning Roman gets before Remus is bursting through the door and running at him at full speed, covered in flour. 

“RORO’S HOME!” Remus collides with him, sending them both sprawling on the floor. 

“REMUS! Why are you always _covered_ in something when you hug me?” Roman whines. He had to take a shower anyway to wash the plane off him, but that doesn’t mean he appreciates being covered in flour. 

“I was helping Pattycakes bake cookies for you!” Remus says excitedly, pulling Roman to his feet. 

“Patton?”

“Roman!” Patton calls from the doorway, also covered in flour, but at least _he’s_ wearing an apron. “You’re back!”

_“Patton?”_ Roman asks again, not falling this time when Patton launches himself into a hug. “Why are you hanging out with Remus?”

“Oh, well, uh…” Patton pulls back from the hug blushing. “We, uh…”

“Patton and I are dating!” Remus crows excitedly, draping himself over the shorter boy’s back. 

“WHAT!?” Roman can’t- he can’t- _what?_

“I wanted to tell you!” Patton says quickly. “But it seemed like something that should be done in person so I prepared cookies for you- OH! My cookies!”

Patton runs back into the kitchen to save his cookies from burning. Roman turns to glare at his brother. 

“What did you do?”

“What do you mean?” Remus asks innocently. 

“What did you do to trick Patton into _dating_ you!?” Roman hisses, trying to keep his voice down so Patton won’t hear. 

“Roman I’m offended,” Remus says with mock-indignation. “I did _nothing_ to trick dear Pat-the-Bunny into dating me! He liked me, I liked him, both of us liked Jan and Virge, so it all worked out!”

“‘Jan and Virge’?”

“Oh yeah!” Remus grins. “We’re in a polyamorous relationship!”

_“You’re in a-”_ deep breath, Roman. Breathe. “Who are Jan and Virge?”

“Janus Parcel and Virgil Knight!”

“Janus Par- _knife-fight kid?”_

“I’m back!” Patton returns carrying a plate of fresh cookies, oblivious to the tension in the room. 

“You’re dating _knife-fight kid!?”_ Roman screeches. Patton jumps, almost dropping the cookies. 

“Janus is really nice-”

“Jan wasn’t in a knife fight,” Remus rolls his eyes. “Besides, you’re dating the nerd.”

“Logan isn’t a psychopath!”

“Neither is Jan!”

“You’re dating Logan! That’s so exciting!” Patton squeals, ignoring the twins’ hostile tones. 

“That’s it! I’m calling Logan!” Roman huffs, pulling his phone out and putting it on speaker. 

_“Roman?”_ Logan’s voice comes through the phone speakers. _“I thought you were going to call tomorrow? I was just about to go to bed.”_

“Patton is dating my brother and Janus Parcel!” 

_“...is this what you’ve called me for?”_ Logan sounds exhausted. _“Patton is perfectly capable of making his own decisions. Who he chooses to date is none of your concern, and you have no right to be mad at him for not telling you as you insisted on waiting to tell Patton about our relationship in person.”_

“Thanks Lolo!” Patton calls. 

_“Hello Patton, if it is permissible with you, I would much rather continue this conversation in the morning after I have gotten my eight hours of sleep.”_

“Okay! Bye Lolo!”

_“Goodbye Patton, Roman, and I shall assume from context Remus.”_

“Nighty-night Nerd!” Remus yells. 

Logan hangs up without another word. Roman huffs, crossing his arms petulantly. 

“I don’t like it,” he mutters, glaring at the ground. 

“I’m sorry you don’t like it, Roman,” Patton says, leaning into Remus’ side. “But I really like Remus, and Janus, and Virgil. So can you be nice, please? For me?”

Sigh. _“Fiiiine.”_

“Yay!” Patton cheers, placing the plate of cookies down. Then he turns to his boyfriend, grabbing his hands. “C’mon Re, you have to drive me home!”

“Why can’t you just sleep here?” Remus whines, following his boyfriend to the door. 

“Because Roman needs to rest without worrying what we’re doing!” Patton responds. 

“Wait a minute! Who’s Virgil?” Roman asks, suddenly remembering a very important part of their conversation, and desperately trying to ignore Patton’s implications. 

“G’night Roman!” Patton says as he heads out the door, completely ignoring the question. “I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Who the fuck is Virgil!” Roman yells as the door closes. 

Grumbling under his breath, Roman calls Logan again, but this time it goes straight to voicemail. 

_“You have reached Logan Sanders, I am unable to answer the phone at the moment, but if you leave a voicemail I will endeavor to call you back at a later time.” **Beeeep**_

“Do you know a ‘Virgil Knight’?” Roman asks, ignoring that Logan prefers all voicemails to start with the caller’s name. “Patton said he was dating Remus, Janus Parcel, and Virgil Knight, but I don’t know who that is. Also I _know_ that you ignored my call, but it’s fine, I won’t let that fact hurt my feelings. Good night, dearest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 should be ready soon


	2. Chapter 2

“WAKE UP, THOT!” Roman startles awake as his door hits the wall with a loud _bang._ Remus stands in the doorway grinning at him.

“Remus, what the fuck?” Roman groans. He wants to pull the covers over his head and just ignore his brother, but if he does that, he won’t have the slight advantage of being able to see whatever Remus is about to do. So he settles for just glaring. 

“We’re going out to breakfast with all of our boyfriends!” Remus declares. _“You’re_ going to be _nice_ to _my_ boyfriends, and _I_ won’t make _unsolicited_ comments about _your_ boyfriend’s ass, dick, or mouth!”

“I hate you,” Roman groans. 

“Love you too, Roro!” Remus clutches a hand over his heart before turning to leave. “Get dressed or I’ll drag you there in your pjs!” He calls behind him. 

Roman throws his pillow through the open door, but Remus is already gone. Instead of chasing his brother down, Roman gets dressed because Remus _will_ drag him out in his pajamas otherwise. 

There’s two texts on his phone when he pulls it off the charger. 

**_From Crofters Slut @ 6:15am:_ ** _Virgil Knight is a student in our year. He won that art competition last year that Remus was in. I’m surprised you don’t know who he is._

Even with the hint, Roman has no idea who Virgil is. He vaguely remembers the art competition, but mostly, he remembers being salty that his piece hadn’t even qualified for it, and then being salty again when Remus didn’t win. There is absolutely nothing in his memory about who won, what they looked like, or what piece they’d entered. 

The second text is:

**_From_ ** _**Padre Puffball @ 7:54am:** Hi Roman! I hope you slept well. I was hoping that you’d be willing to get breakfast today? You, me, Logan, Remus, Janus, and Virgil? Please? I know you don’t like Janus and Virgil, and you’re not happy that I’m dating your brother, but I really like them, and I think you would too if you’d just give them a chance (maybe not as much as I like them, but enough to be friends?) I’ll text the others too, but I do hope you come! Love Patton _ _💖🐶_

And honestly, even if Remus _wasn’t_ going to forcefully drag him to this breakfast, there’s no way Roman could ever say ‘no’ to Patton. So when Remus comes back, Roman is fully dressed, and in the process of applying his eyeliner. 

“C’mon, princess, let’s _go_!” Remus insists, but he does resist the urge to pull on Roman’s arm and ruin his makeup and possibly cause Roman to stab the pencil into his eye. 

“I have to finish this first! Logan’s going to be there and a prince has got to slay!” Roman replies. 

Remus rolls his eyes. “You just got back from spending two months sharing a room with him! He’s definitely seen you without makeup before.”

“Noooo, I woke up earlier than him _specifically_ so he’d never see me without my makeup!” 

“Roro, you are the most pathetic thot I’ve ever met. And I’m _including_ myself. How early did you have to wake up to be up before him?”

“...four-thirty am,” Roman admits slowly, refusing to meet his brother’s eyes in the mirror. 

“Excuse me while I go _barf!”_ Remus giggles. “You woke up, at _ass_ o’clock in the morning, so that Nerdy Wolverine wouldn’t see you without your makeup?”

“Yeah, well I’ll bet you showered _daily_ while I was gone!” Roman shoots back. “In fact, you’re smelling pretty fresh over there. Did you perhaps shower already this morning?”

“I’ll admit to nothing!” Remus screeches. “Hurry up, we have to pick up Jan.”

“I have to be in a _car_ with that freak!?” 

“If you ever call any of my boyfriends ‘freaks’ again, I’ll rip off your nipples and shove them so far up your nose they’ll lodge inside your brain!” Remus yells, angrier than Roman’s ever seen him. “Assuming you even _have_ a brain.”

“Why you-!”

They pull up to Janus’ house forty-five minutes late. 

“I don’t know _why_ I trusted you to pick me up on time,” Janus comments as he slides into the backseat. “You’re _always so punctual.”_

“Hi JJ!” Remus greets chipperly, completely ignoring Janus’ annoyance. “I told Roman to sit in the back but he refused.”

“I was here first!” Roman insists stubbornly. 

“He also called you freak,” Remus tattles. 

“I didn’t mean-!” Roman turns to Janus quickly while he tries to explain himself, but Janus just smirks. 

“Well I suppose being able to do _this_ makes me a little bit of a freak.”

Remus doesn’t even have to look to know that Jan dislocated his shoulder and twisted his arm around his head unnaturally, Roman scream tells him everything he needs to know. Remus has to pull off to the side of the road because he’s laughing so hard. 

It takes them almost fifteen minutes to get to the cafe, which is longer than it should take to get there from Janus’ house, but Remus had needed time to calm down from his laughing fit. Roman hadn’t spoken the entire drive over, and Jan was looking pretty satisfied with himself. 

So, coming into the cafe over an hour late, it’s not that hard to find his boyfriends and the Dork (hehe, whale penis). They’re in one of the semi-circle booths with Patton sitting between Virgil and Logan. It looks like Virgil and Logan are in the middle of a conversation, which is good, until, ya know, Roman has to go and ruin it. 

“EMO NIGHTMARE!?” Roman screeches at the top of his lungs. It causes the whole cafe to come to a screeching halt as everyone stops to stare at them. Virgil stiffens, shoulders coming up to his ears and he quickly throws his hood over his head. Logan sends Roman an unimpressed look. 

“Wonderful. Excellent. Thank you, Roman,” Janus mutters, already making his way over to the others. 

“Indoor voices, Roro.” Remus nudges his brother as he passes. 

“You’re _dating_ Emo Nightmare!?” Roman hisses, quietly enough that Remus is the only one who can hear him. “Actually, back up. You _know_ Emo Nightmare? Emo Nightmare has _friends?”_

“His name is Virgil, Roman,” Remus says, not bothering to dignify Roman’s questions with an answer. “And you promised to be nice.”

“I was startled,” Roman answers petulantly. 

Remus doesn’t dignify _that_ with an answer either, instead he ignores Roman and goes to join his boyfriends at the table. Janus has already reached the table, and has his arm wrapped protectively around Virgil’s shoulders. Remus slides into the booth next to Janus, leaving the space next to Logan open for Roman. 

“You’re late,” Logan informs them once Roman’s taken his seat. 

“Only by like an hour,” Remus replies cheerfully, grabbing a menu and perusing the breakfast options. 

“We already ordered,” Patton informs him gently. “You’re getting the breakfast sausage platter, Janus is getting a veggie omelet, and Roman’s getting pancakes with a side of eggs.”

“The sausages look like dicks!” Remus said, quietly enough that only the table next to them send him weird glances. 

Virgil snorts from under his hood, so Remus counts it as a win. 

“Charming,” Logan says, years of being friends with Roman have rendered Remus’s antics to little more than background noise. 

“So, Nerdy Wolverine, why _Roman?”_ Remus asks, after all, that’s what this breakfast is for, right? Grilling Logan on why he has such bad taste in men? “He’s sooooooo… ugly.”

“WE HAVE THE SAME FACE!”

“BUT I WEAR IT SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU!”

“Stop yelling!” Virgil hisses, finally leaving the safety of his hood. “We’re in _public!”_

“Besides,” Patton chimes in. “That’s mean! You’re both very handsome!”

“At least I don’t have a fuzzy caterpillar on my face,” Roman mutters petulantly, but any further argument is thankfully cut off by the waiter bringing out their food. 

“Thank you!” Patton calls as the waiter leaves

“Well,” Logan sighs. “After that little display I have no idea why I like Roman.”

“What!? No! Logan!” Roman whines. Logan just rolls his eyes and kisses Roman on the cheek, effectively placating him. 

“I am more surprised by you, Patton,” Logan continues, raising an eyebrow at his friend. “When we left, you were still afraid to be within thirty yards of Janus. I’m surprised you got over your fear so completely in such a short amount of time.”

“Logan!” Patton yelps, hiding his blush in Virgil’s shoulders. It doesn’t work out too well since Virgil’s shoulders are shaking from laughter. 

“Patton, I’m _so_ insulted that you’d be afraid of me,” Janus drawls. “I _was_ trying _so_ hard to seem _nice_ and _approachable_.”

“I’m so sorry Janus!” Patton apologizes from his place hiding in Virgil’s shoulder. 

“Don't apologize, Pat,” Virgil assures him, patting the side of his head awkwardly. “He wants people to be afraid of him. He was so happy when he realized he got a scar from fl _gmmn!”_

Janus clamps a gloved-hand over Virgil’s mouth quickly, pulling his head against his chest to stop his struggling. 

“Nothing!” Janus hisses quickly. “Absolutely nothing. Nothing to see here!”

Virgil bats his hands at Janus’ head, but the angle makes it hard to land any solid hit. 

Remus laughs, and Patton just grabs one of Virgil’s hands and kisses it apologetically, neither of them try to help him. 

“Janus won’t let Virgil tell anyone how he got his scar,” Remus explains between giggles. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Janus says dismissively as Virgil goes limp. “Are you trying to _bite_ my _hand?_ ”

“Kinky!”

The rest of breakfast continues… somewhat normally, of course Janus has Virgil pinned the entire time, and as a result, neither of them end up finishing their food. Roman’s determination to pout lasts all of twenty minutes, but then Janus started quoting Shakespeare and well… maybe Janus isn’t so bad after all. 

“Romeo and Juliet isn't a _love_ story,” Janus argues, he’s still covering Virgil’s mouth even though it’s been half an hour, and Virgil has long since stopped struggling. “It’s about two stupid kids that make dumb decisions and get the people around them killed.”

“You take that back!” Roman gasps, clutching his chest as though he’s been stabbed. “Romeo and Juliet is a story about star-crossed lovers and overcoming life’s obstacles!”

“What obstacles did they overcome Roman? They both died in the end.”

“Sorry to interrupt, kiddos,” Patton butts in before their argument can get any more heated. “But Jan, do you think you can let Virgil go now? He hasn’t eaten yet.”

Janus glances down at Virgil consideringly and the emo just gives him his most innocent expression. “Fine.”

Janus releases Virgil but continues to watch him suspiciously. In turn, Virgil just starts shoveling omelet into his mouth. After a moment, Janus seems satisfied and returns to his argument. 

“And their own deaths could have been avoided if Romeo had just-”

“JANUS FELL OFF HIS BIKE!” Virgil blurts out suddenly. 

“TRAITOR!”

This starts a scuffle between the two that has Remus cackling like a madman, even after he gets pushed out of the booth and onto the floor. 

They get kicked out of the restaurant.

Well… Janus, Virgil, and Remus get kicked out of the restaurant, Patton, Roman, and Logan get told that they can stay if they don’t cause anymore scenes. 

In the end they only stay long enough for Roman to pay for everyone’s food (because he’s a _gentleman…_ and because he’s rich, but _mostly_ because he’s a gentleman), and Patton to get the rest of Virgil and Janus’ omelets in a to-go box. 

Remus and Janus are clearly having some sort of argument when Roman and the others make it outside, but the only part Roman manages to catch is Remus saying “calm down Peewee Herman!”

“Patton is officially my favorite boyfriend,” Janus pouts, maneuvering himself so that Patton is in between him and their other two boyfriends. Patton doesn't seem to mind, planting a kiss on Janus cheek that majorly undermines his edgy facade. “You two are _dead_ to me.”

“Only on the inside,” Virgil responds sagely. 

“You love us Janny!” Remus crows, outmaneuvering Janus’ human wall by pulling both Patton and Janus into a bone-crushing hug. 

A funny feeling develops in Roman’s stomach as he watches the four of them interact. They all clearly like each other, and Patton seems so genuinely happy trapped between Remus and Janus. Maybe Roman overreacted last night. 

“Well?” Logan asks quietly, slipping his hand easily into Roman’s. 

“I was wrong,” Roman answers, finally dragging his gaze away from his brother, his best friend, and their boyfriends to look Logan in the eye. Logan is giving him that soft smile that makes Roman’s heart thud. “They’re cute together.”

“Patton seems happy,” Logan agrees. “Though I do believe that, objectively, we’re the cuter couple.”

“Yeah,” Roman agrees as Janus lets out an indignant squawk. 

Turning around, Roman finds the Virgil had obviously tried to join the group hug and ended up toppling them over, leaving Janus on the ground with Virgil sprawled over his back, Remus and Patton lying in a heap next to them, all of them laughing.

“Objectively.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be companion pieces to this fic that feature the boys getting together


End file.
